Parents frequently ask, “what can I do to support my student?” or “what things should we be prepared for?†While every family is unique, we’ve observed some common themes over many years of living and working with new university students.
Before they leave for university
Parents can be supportive and trusting, encourage independence, and provide a safety net. Here are some recommendations:
- Check out our guide for parents, guardians and family members.
- Familiarize yourself with campus resources.
- Ask your student to share important emails from the university.
- Check UBC Student Services’ dates and deadlines page for significant dates.
- Check our important dates page for significant residence and meal plan dates and deadlines.
- Read your student’s residence contract.
Pick up a copy of Don’t Tell Me What To Do, Just Send Money—The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years, by Helen Johnson and Christine Schelhas-Miller. It offers a clear, relatively current look at issues students and parents will face. If you only have time to read one book as your student starts university, make it this one.
While they’re away
It’s important to stay in communication
While it’s important to connect regularly, don’t wait by your laptop or phone to hear back. Students may want to know more about what’s going on at home and be less inclined to return your call or message and let you know what’s going on with them.
Consider making a communication plan to help set expectations.
Accept that you won’t know every detail of your student’s life
Remember that returning your call or text often will not be their first priority.
Show care and concern about their lives
Ask questions, but try not to invade their privacy. Often students want to let you know what is happening at their own pace.
Be prepared for “the phone callâ€
Often it comes just after midterms or near the end of first term. At that point, work is piling up, marks aren’t what they’d expected, they’re feeling overwhelmed and not as resilient as usual. They’re upset and, chances are, they’re going to call you.
But don’t panic. Remember that this is normal and, as much as you’d like to alleviate their stress, you cannot (and should not) fix their problems. They will rely on you to reassure them they can successfully work through the challenges.
Consider sending a care package
You can also purchase UCare gift packages—a sure sign of care, concern and support.
If you think a brief visit would be beneficial, UBC offers hotel rooms and suites right here on campus.
When they visit home
Anticipating challenges
The dynamic when your student returns home, during any breaks or at the end of the academic year, may be more challenging now that your student has spent time experiencing life on their own.
For several months they’ve been concerned with only their daily routine—not the family’s. Sometimes they come home with a new outlook and new expectations for family members. It’s a transitional time for everyone.
Ways to support a positive dynamic
Stock up on favourite foods for your visiting student—and have plenty of laundry detergent on hand! Even though student life might be going well, be careful about romanticizing about university life as the best years of one’s life. For a student who may be struggling with exams, papers and career worries, this may not provide the intended comfort or reassurance.